Lord of the Rings Trilogy

There's a wizard and he has long white hair and there's a gargamel guy...oh, gargoyle guy.  He's real creepy and he's all CGI and he's just supposed to be scary.  And then there's these people and they're like these little people I think in the forest.  Yeah, little people in the forest and they need to find a ring obviously.  And for NINE HOURS they search for this ring!
And through hell and high water, there are wizards dying and people falling off cliffs and the little creepy guy is all scary voiced and what not.  And I assume they, please GOD please, they find this ring.  And now that everyone's watched for 10 hours, can they please finally find the ring?!  And the world is good again and they get out of the forest and they grow full size.  THE END

Reservoir Dogs

[EDITOR'S NOTE:  This is the only movie that we own both on VHS and DVD.  Despite this fact, my wife has yet to see it.]

It's by the same guy who did Pulp Fiction and it's probably similar.  You know, gritty and about, I think it's about, fuck, what's it about?  I don't really know, but I'm getting an image of the Beatles crossing a sidewalk.  Isn't there art that's like that picture that's the key art for it?  [YES]

So all the guys in that picture are the Reservoir Dogs.  It's the name of their crew.  And they are drug dealers.  And they're trying not to get caught.  And you follow the stories of the people they sell the drugs to.  And I'm sure there are some gritty scenes.  And there's definitely shooting.  And it's probably segmented like it is in Pulp Fiction.  You know you see one scene and it probably doesn't make sense until the end.

That's all I know.

No Country For Old Men

It's the wild West and Javier Bardem has a really creepy haircut.  He's a monster killer with no conscious.  And there are these people and they did something bad.  They stole money or murdered people or something.  But they are good people...(laughter)...it was an accident.  Anyway, "page boy" killer...

ME:  Page Boy?

That's his haircut.

ME:  Oh, OK....

is sent on a mission to kill them.  And he keeps finding them and everybody's really anxious that they're gonna be found.  And when he finally finds them, he messes with their mind.  Like he flips a coin in one scene, but either way they're gonna die.  And he's super brutal and he like, I picture him with a gas pipe or something.  And it's a sad ending and everyone dies.  And it's gruesome.  That's it.

Tron

There's big, huge robots and they light up from time to time.  It's kinda like Transformers but more futuristic and they don't transform...but they might.  I'm sure it's really, really boring.  Probably no plot, just a lot of action with lasers and robots.  The End.

Blade Runner

Isn't that were they have a guy and he just slices everybody up when he runs around?

Aliens

I know it's a James Cameron film with Susan Sarandon.  Wait, she's not in it?  Oh, right Sigourney Weaver , I get those two confused.  Signourney is the main character.  The aliens come to the town and it's really scary.  They are not good aliens like E.T., but they're bad aliens.  Is that enough?  I don't know anything about this movie.  I don't even know if that's true.

Inception

Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page.  Leo is a (oh jeez this is hard)...he goes in people's minds and reads their dreams.  And he ends up in one of Ellen Page's dreams.  It seems really real, he's in her dream.  They're on this journey together and people are trying to kill her.  He has to save her.  And then in the middle it's a lot of action like the Bourne Identity where he's a bad ass.  And then someone tries to come in and steal her dream.  I bet it's real confusing at this part.  Then at the end they realize it's just a dream and you're left to ponder what's real.